Hard to believe it has been two weeks already. My, how time flies. I'm feeling really good, getting around great. Steri-strips are starting to come off of my incisions. At my highest weight I was 263 miserable pounds and today I am at 205 pounds. I'm 5' 4.75" so I'm about 55 pounds from being in the upper range for an acceptable weight. Unbelievable!
I will not say that I have been super happy with my decision this entire time. Not to say I'm wishing I hadn't had surgery, just saying I have moments of mourning for my old life. I suppose it is normal to mourn something when it dies. My surgeon progresses his patient's diets from 1st Week: clear liquids 2nd Week: clear liquids and protein shakes 3rd and 4th Week: pureed food 5th Week: Mushy/Adaptive soft foods. I am so close to puree food and am so bored with clear liquids-I've been on them since February 19th. I've never been a huge fan of protein shakes-I've only found a handful that I like. I am so ready for more options in my diet!!!!!!!!!
Poor hubby made cookies the other night, not just any cookies, but the kind with mini peanut butter cups in them.....sigh....I was fine until I smelled them cooking. Keep in mind the day I came home from the hospital pizza was ordered....I have helped cook almost every meal since I have been home and did the grocery shopping all without batting an eyelash.... But the smell of those warm and gooey fresh cookies-that I can not eat.... That is right, not shouldn't but can't eat. That's when it hit me. This is not a diet that I can jump on and off of as I feel like. I can't just get strict because I don't like how my clothes fit. I have chosen to forever change my lifestyle. While I'm not saying I can never have a bite of a cookie again, I was just physically unable to eat the cookie. I cried....I really shed a tear mourning that I will never be able to put away a dozen fresh baked cookies in one sitting, I mourned that I will never be able to put away a whole medium pizza by myself....I mourned that I know I will never have the same relationship again with food.
Food will now be my fuel to maintain my existence. I can now live my life and look up from the dinner plate to enjoy the wonders this world is offering to me. I can now set down my fork and have a conversation with my family at the table because I am not shoveling the food in so fast I can barely breath. I am so thankful that I am able to have a new lease on life and start over.
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