Thursday, July 19, 2012

It will be ok....I think....

Anxiety is the pits. Whether it is over what to wear to your interview, hope I pass the test or OMG there is something in the world outside that's going to get me.

Irrational fears are nothing to mess with. Thanks to them, I have not been able to work in a week....and when this week is over, what then? I have to support my family.

*Insert Fairy Godmother with magic wand to make it all disappear*

Drats, nothing happened. Unfortunately everything I've tried to help alleviate my anxiety has not worked.

  • Take my medications -check
  • Deep breathing exercises -check
  • Reality orientation -check
  • Talking to peers/family -check

Needless to say I'm off to the doctor today to try to get some answers/relief. Feeling like I will die if I leave my house, fearing I will harm someone if I am near them, facial tics/spasms, numbness/tingling, generalized body pain, and digestive system reactions are not on my list of fun.

Today I am trying to focus on me and my family and try to get over this hurdle. I really think all of this was triggered by taking on a new job. Same facility, new department. Not necessarily more responsibility, just responsible for different things. The thought of having someone's life in my hands freaks me out!!! Thanks to this anxiety flare, I am either irrationally changing my major (from nursing to business management) or I am saving myself 2 years of school and a lifetime of stress by not going through with a career that I will ultimately not be able to function in.

It is interesting how I love to help people and make a difference in their life, yet I am scared. to. death. of being around people. I love the idea of being someone's hero in their time of need, but can't honestly say I want to be the one responsible for their next breath. Working in a non-medical field will still allow me to help people and save me the stress of knowing if they don't find that 'perfect' product they aren't going to physically die. And possibly even work behind the scenes......

*insert sigh of relief here*

I think it just might work out after all....