Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Patient vs Visitor

Its so great to not be a patient for once.....While visiting Mom after her VSG surgery, I'm realizing how much I missed after mine. Between the anesthesia and the pain medication, there's a lot of room for missed memories. At least now I've had a taste of what my mother will be like should she ever be cursed with Alzheimer's. (Love you Mom...lol)

How any patient ever gets rest in the hospital I'll never understand. While the quality of care here is top notch, there is always so much going on. Between checking vital signs and walking the halls sleep comes in the form of PCA induced cat naps. No wonder patients come home feeling zapped.

All in all I wouldn't trade the results of my surgery for anything, I just know that the immediate recovery is the pits. While watching Mom snooze I'm reminded of how tender and spacey I felt. While I didn't want to be alone, I sure did not feel up to visitors. Lucky for me hubby sat quietly in the corner only asking an occasional question or two.

Being a visitor I now realize how important comfort is not only for the patient, but for the visitor as well. Refreshments, distractions and comfy chairs have been such a wonderful asset for me today. I can only hope the customer service at other hospitals is at least a fraction of what I'm experiencing.

Saturday, July 28, 2012

Changing For the Good

91 pounds......an average 11 year old child.......Gone from my body.....WOW. Looking back, its hard to imagine a time when I had to haul that extra weight around. No wonder my entire body hurt all the time. Size 26/28 to a 14/16, 3XL to L....

In 1 short year I have managed to change my body and my life forever. Not saying the weight will never come back--who knows what the future holds, and I know that I'm fighting tooth and nail to keep it off. My anatomy will never be the same. I still have a good 40 years or more in this body and will always have to deal with my decision. At this moment, I can honestly say it was a good decision. HOWEVER, this is not a magic bullet, not easy and not the easy way out. It is a long, hard road to even have the surgery not to mention the amount of work that goes into maintaining this lifestyle forever....

I'm thankful for the support of family and friends and the countless networking of WLS bloggers (Melting Mama, World According to Egg Face, Bariatric Foodie) and WLS patients (Bariatric Bad Girls Club) that I have been able to turn to for information, encouragement and inspiration. I highly recommend anyone considering weight loss surgery to do your research, research some more, and then research even more. Find credible sources and ask questions when you aren't clear on something. Do not go into this lightly and be prepared for a roller coaster. Not everyone will be a cheerleader, not everyone will be behind you after all of it is said and done, but you will find a stronger support system because of those that abandon you. 

Thursday, July 19, 2012

It will be ok....I think....

Anxiety is the pits. Whether it is over what to wear to your interview, hope I pass the test or OMG there is something in the world outside that's going to get me.

Irrational fears are nothing to mess with. Thanks to them, I have not been able to work in a week....and when this week is over, what then? I have to support my family.

*Insert Fairy Godmother with magic wand to make it all disappear*

Drats, nothing happened. Unfortunately everything I've tried to help alleviate my anxiety has not worked.

  • Take my medications -check
  • Deep breathing exercises -check
  • Reality orientation -check
  • Talking to peers/family -check

Needless to say I'm off to the doctor today to try to get some answers/relief. Feeling like I will die if I leave my house, fearing I will harm someone if I am near them, facial tics/spasms, numbness/tingling, generalized body pain, and digestive system reactions are not on my list of fun.

Today I am trying to focus on me and my family and try to get over this hurdle. I really think all of this was triggered by taking on a new job. Same facility, new department. Not necessarily more responsibility, just responsible for different things. The thought of having someone's life in my hands freaks me out!!! Thanks to this anxiety flare, I am either irrationally changing my major (from nursing to business management) or I am saving myself 2 years of school and a lifetime of stress by not going through with a career that I will ultimately not be able to function in.

It is interesting how I love to help people and make a difference in their life, yet I am scared. to. death. of being around people. I love the idea of being someone's hero in their time of need, but can't honestly say I want to be the one responsible for their next breath. Working in a non-medical field will still allow me to help people and save me the stress of knowing if they don't find that 'perfect' product they aren't going to physically die. And possibly even work behind the scenes......

*insert sigh of relief here*

I think it just might work out after all....

Friday, July 6, 2012

At 4.5 months post-op and down 84 pounds total. I've maintained this loss for the past month or so. I've gotten comfortable and enjoying life. That being said, I think I'm subconsciously uncomfortable. I look and feel fabulous (at least from my highest weight) yet I'm apprehensive of the journey ahead. Being a mere 15 pounds from my high school weight and only 30 pounds from my 'goal' I'm worried. Not so much about how I will maintain that weight, but how will I look? How will I feel? Right now I'm dealing with skin issues....saggy, smooshy skin. I look terrific with clothes on, but peel off the layers and reveal a hideous granny suit. Push-up bras are great for false advertisement.
I really, really, really hope that the more I lose, the less saggy it will look-wishful thinking is ok, right?
Anyway, I'm enjoying all the fun things like sharing the recliner with my hubby, him being able to pick me up and carry me around, not moving to buckle the seat belt, crossing my legs, moving without getting winded, fitting into smaller clothes, etc. Being comfortable with myself will hopefully fall into place soon.