2 weeks post-op

Hard to believe it has been two weeks already. My, how time flies. I'm feeling really good, getting around great. Steri-strips are starting to come off of my incisions. At my highest weight I was 263 miserable pounds and today I am at 205 pounds. I'm 5' 4.75" so I'm about 55 pounds from being in the upper range for an acceptable weight. Unbelievable!
I will not say that I have been super happy with my decision this entire time. Not to say I'm wishing I hadn't had surgery, just saying I have moments of mourning for my old life. I suppose it is normal to mourn something when it dies. My surgeon progresses his patient's diets from 1st Week: clear liquids 2nd Week: clear liquids and protein shakes 3rd and 4th Week: pureed food 5th Week: Mushy/Adaptive soft foods. I am so close to puree food and am so bored with clear liquids-I've been on them since February 19th. I've never been a huge fan of protein shakes-I've only found a handful that I like. I am so ready for more options in my diet!!!!!!!!!
Poor hubby made cookies the other night, not just any cookies, but the kind with mini peanut butter cups in them.....sigh....I was fine until I smelled them cooking. Keep in mind the day I came home from the hospital pizza was ordered....I have helped cook almost every meal since I have been home and did the grocery shopping all without batting an eyelash.... But the smell of those warm and gooey fresh cookies-that I can not eat.... That is right, not shouldn't but can't eat. That's when it hit me. This is not a diet that I can jump on and off of as I feel like. I can't just get strict because I don't like how my clothes fit. I have chosen to forever change my lifestyle. While I'm not saying I can never have a bite of a cookie again, I was just physically unable to eat the cookie. I cried....I really shed a tear mourning that I will never be able to put away a dozen fresh baked cookies in one sitting, I mourned that I will never be able to put away a whole medium pizza by myself....I mourned that I know I will never have the same relationship again with food.
Food will now be my fuel to maintain my existence. I can now live my life and look up from the dinner plate to enjoy the wonders this world is offering to me. I can now set down my fork and have a conversation with my family at the table because I am not shoveling the food in so fast I can barely breath. I am so thankful that I am able to have a new lease on life and start over.

Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy

On February 21, 2012 I forever changed my life and anatomy. I elected to have the vertical sleeve gastrectomy in order to create a tool at my permanent disposal to aid in my weight loss. While performing the procedure, my surgeon found a sizable hiatal hernia that he repaired with mesh.
What is a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy?
What is a Hiatal Hernia?
So far so good, I'm not hungry at all. I am getting 64+ oz of water in a day and am no longer super sore-tender, but not sore. Wednesday of this week I will go to the surgeon for a one week follow up and if all looks good I will be cleared to add protein shakes to my diet. Currently I have been allowed only clear liquids (water, sugar free non carbonated drinks, sugar free jello, decaf tea, decaf coffee, sugar free Popsicles, and broth) I've watched my family eat some of my favorite foods and did not bat an eyelash. This is truly amazing to me.
Sleeping the first few days was interesting as I hate sleeping on my back and couldn't get comfortable sleeping on my sides. Day 6 I woke up feeling great. No muscle soreness or gas pains.
I'm so thankful to God and my surgeon for making this surgery possible. One thing many people forget is this is just a tool. I still have control over what goes in my mouth and whether I exercise or not. I can only ingest smaller quantities at one time.

My New Lifestyle

What is a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy you ask? Well, it is going to be the tool that helps save my life! It is a weight loss surgery procedure that works by restricting the amount of food you can consume in a sitting as opposed to a Gastric Bypass where the stomach is reduced to a pouch and the intestines are re-routed.

Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy information here.

After years of research and my insurance finally paying for the procedure, I found a local surgeon and scheduled an appointment. I am so glad I found Dr Ahuja at New Life Weight Loss Center. I have heard nothing but rave reviews for him and his staff.

I have battled my weight for the past 15 years or so and after yet another failed diet attempt, I have decided to go with weight loss surgery. While not the magic bullet or cure-all, this procedure will finally give me a permanent tool to use in order to get the weight off and keep it off.

This is definitely not the easy way out, I will still have to watch what I eat and exercise and my 'tool' will have to be maintained by limiting my portions. I will always have to take vitamins and always deal with the emotions connected to my weight.

Being overweight, for me, has been like a growing onion. Now that I've matured I have a protective outer layer that can keep out a lot (not all) of external contaminates. I am able to use it like a shield to hide behind. Each pound I take off exposes yet another layer and with each layer comes more emotions. Most people aren't fat by coincidence. I have used mine as a way to keep people out, as a buffer between me and society. As I get to a new weight, I start thinking about the last time I was at that weight and of course it brings a flood of emotions with it. The trick is learning to deal with the emotional aspects, learning from them and moving on. Where I have always failed before was the fear of removing my armor. NEVER AGAIN! I will never have to experience those things that got me where I am now, so I have nothing to fear.

I've decided to live my life and love every moment of it. I want to teach my children that emotions don't have to control every aspect of life. It's possible to deal with emotions with things other than food.

Oh Temptation....

This article was brought to my attention at the best possible point of my life. Yes you can Resist!
I will be having Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy surgery in 2 weeks and have been battling the 'Last Supper' mentality. I just can't let myself say no because it will be the 'last time' I will have 'insert food here' ever, or for a while. After putting away 3 or 4 chocolate chip cookies and feeling immense guilt and pain(real pain, junk food hurts!) I started beating myself up.

Knowing that there is an actual study behind putting off a craving, I might actually let myself believe it will work. I'm sure I have been able to do this before subconsciously, just never put two and two together. I'm fairly certain this will be my mantra from now on. Sure I can have that, I'll just wait until later to do it!